so, these past few days i've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of useless stressing -- depending on how well you know me, you may or may not know that i stress about silly things. i've been stressing lots here because i'm struggling to find a balance between taking advantage of "life in italy" and productively making a place for myself in "the real world." the latter is ironic because we all know i'm not trying to be a part of the sterotypical real world -- but still, i'm trying to be a productive member of society. i also feel that while i do have a legitimate job here in italy, i should (and want to) do the best i can so that it can advance my career (ugh grown-up word) in the ways that i want it to and the ways that i think it can.
i'm trying to be as involved at school as i can, picking up after-school activities, taking italian lessons, tutoring students for extra money, and being as active in the planning/organizing process of grade 5 as lisa will let me (i may be hovering too much, currently...). THEN on top of all of this, i have a long list of restaurants where i would like to eat, bars where i would like to drink, new friends i would like to get to know, mountains i would like to climb, cities i would like to visit, and many many other things that i would like to do with the free time i am quickly running out of. thus, the stress. which do i choose?
sometimes i think that i made a mistake coming here to teach in italy and that trying to combine some of my favorite things (teaching, traveling, and italy) was too ambitious and it would have been wiser to focus on them individually -- for example, teaching somewhere in the states and using my summers and breaks to travel internationally (to italy..?). but then i realize that those thoughts are absolutely stupid and why would i ever think that moving to italy for my essential dream job (right now) would be a mistake? nonsense, liz, nonsense. i know that i need to take advantage of the wonderful place in which i am living and while doing the best i can at my job, not overdo it. italians are not workaholics, and living here makes it very easy to see why.
while he is having a somewhat different life adventure right now, my friend seth and i share a similar outlook on life as recent college grads not quite ready to be "real grown ups." his thoughts (much more eloquently stated than mine) are below:
"My mind often wanders back to certain memories my brain has flagged. Like a time in class when a specific professor said, "Be good at your job, always strive to learn more and improve your performance, all while giving back to the community." My mind wanders to graduation speeches where multiple speakers said, "Go out in the world and make it a better place with the knowledge you've obtained over the past 4 years." And I think to myself, I've done none of those things. I've lived in New York and worked at a restaurant and then I moved to Alaska where, as of now, I'm not even employed. Am I wasting the gifts I've been given?
And then I witness sights like these, snap a photo, and hours or days later browse through the photos again and it hits me. It hits me at how lucky and privileged I am to end up where I ended up. (I graduated as a qualified engineer a year and a half ago and now I'm living in Alaska.) I can't think of where I'd be or what I'd be looking at if I had job hunted and landed an aero job down in Houston or if I didn't meet the people I met or had the parents I had... . Tonight while picking these pictures, I came to a slow understanding that a time will come where a serious job is needed and I will want to settle in and make my mark on the world. But in the mean time, I'll be adventurous (maybe not Into-the-Wild adventurous) and soak up my surroundings whether it be the people or the sights and to acknowledge and realize the fact that I'm able to do so because of the education I've had and the people that influenced me. ...I'm preparing for when the time comes where I'll work at my cube-farm for hours and hours to pay off this gigantic debt of being able to see sights like this everyday."
i'm trying to be as involved at school as i can, picking up after-school activities, taking italian lessons, tutoring students for extra money, and being as active in the planning/organizing process of grade 5 as lisa will let me (i may be hovering too much, currently...). THEN on top of all of this, i have a long list of restaurants where i would like to eat, bars where i would like to drink, new friends i would like to get to know, mountains i would like to climb, cities i would like to visit, and many many other things that i would like to do with the free time i am quickly running out of. thus, the stress. which do i choose?
sometimes i think that i made a mistake coming here to teach in italy and that trying to combine some of my favorite things (teaching, traveling, and italy) was too ambitious and it would have been wiser to focus on them individually -- for example, teaching somewhere in the states and using my summers and breaks to travel internationally (to italy..?). but then i realize that those thoughts are absolutely stupid and why would i ever think that moving to italy for my essential dream job (right now) would be a mistake? nonsense, liz, nonsense. i know that i need to take advantage of the wonderful place in which i am living and while doing the best i can at my job, not overdo it. italians are not workaholics, and living here makes it very easy to see why.
while he is having a somewhat different life adventure right now, my friend seth and i share a similar outlook on life as recent college grads not quite ready to be "real grown ups." his thoughts (much more eloquently stated than mine) are below:
"My mind often wanders back to certain memories my brain has flagged. Like a time in class when a specific professor said, "Be good at your job, always strive to learn more and improve your performance, all while giving back to the community." My mind wanders to graduation speeches where multiple speakers said, "Go out in the world and make it a better place with the knowledge you've obtained over the past 4 years." And I think to myself, I've done none of those things. I've lived in New York and worked at a restaurant and then I moved to Alaska where, as of now, I'm not even employed. Am I wasting the gifts I've been given?
And then I witness sights like these, snap a photo, and hours or days later browse through the photos again and it hits me. It hits me at how lucky and privileged I am to end up where I ended up. (I graduated as a qualified engineer a year and a half ago and now I'm living in Alaska.) I can't think of where I'd be or what I'd be looking at if I had job hunted and landed an aero job down in Houston or if I didn't meet the people I met or had the parents I had... . Tonight while picking these pictures, I came to a slow understanding that a time will come where a serious job is needed and I will want to settle in and make my mark on the world. But in the mean time, I'll be adventurous (maybe not Into-the-Wild adventurous) and soak up my surroundings whether it be the people or the sights and to acknowledge and realize the fact that I'm able to do so because of the education I've had and the people that influenced me. ...I'm preparing for when the time comes where I'll work at my cube-farm for hours and hours to pay off this gigantic debt of being able to see sights like this everyday."
now, while i already am teaching (what i graduated to do), and i don't quite plan to work in a cube-farm later in life -- seth made it so clear to me that sometimes, a lot of the times, it really is the here and now that is important. i'm 23, i have so much time to grow up - i shouldn't waste my time worrying about it now. what i need to do right now is to take advantage of my surroundings. i have been granted an amazing opportunity to be where i want to be, doing what i want to do and working with some amazing people -- i can't waste time and energy stressing on the rest of my life!
[insert cliche quote "don't waste the present by planning for the future"].
and to lighten the tone....
now i'm going to do my best to recall the "week marina and i reformed our lives" in siena, spring 2008 and do more things like stay up until 330am to watch a meteor shower in piazza del campo.
xxx
1 comment:
Elizabeth, I am right there with you on this post - it was great. I loved Seth's comments, too. Thought you would enjoy this quote I found in an airport bookstore the last time I was traveling...I read it every day now. Expect some "snail-mail" soon!
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
- Steve Jobs
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