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childlike joy at a "grown-up" age

over memorial day weekend, i had one of the most relaxing mini-vacations i can recall having in my long history of vacations.  ocean isle beach has always had a special place in my heart but this weekend was just absolutely perfect.  we had the most ideal combination of everything i like at the beach: beach runs, good coffee, good books, great weather, delicious food, and excellent company.  i felt incredibly rejuvenated and ready to face the last 14 days of the school year with all my strength.  

while on this perfect mini-vacay, i spent a lot of time in the sand.  well duh, i was at the beach.  sunday afternoon, especially, i was sitting in the sand at the edge of the water making drippy sandcastles (you know the ones that look like la sagrada familia in barcelona) on my legs, covering myself entirely in sand and salt.  i was the most content that i have been in a very long time.  i looked over to my friend and said, "i am just having so much fun right now." and we talked about how unusual it was for me, a 25 year old with a career job, to be having such a good time playing in the sand.  i didn't fit in with the other beach-goers building sandcastles; they were 20 years younger than me.  it's rather unusual to see a 25 year old covering her legs in sand castles on purpose and loving it.  why is that?

when do we stop wanting to build sand castles?  and why?  does the decision to cease sand castle production correlate with growing up and the onset of adulthood?  and what does all that mean?  i know that being an elementary school teacher affords me many childlike privileges (such as wearing very bright non-business attire daily and telling corny jokes) but are these things actively avoided by other people my age?  i have grappled with this question before - what it means to "grow up" and to "be an adult" - but i just don't understand why a person can't have a good career job, be responsible with their finances, and know how to cook a solid meal (all qualities that i feel adults should possess) while at the same time, enjoy building sandcastles?

life isn't all work, work, work and i just don't think that everyone knows that!  especially living in the dc metro area, i can almost feel the stress vibes emanating off of a majority of the population.  if all of these adults took some time out of their stressful lives to act like children (by having simple fun, not by throwing temper tantrums), i'm pretty sure the world wouldn't stop spinning and they might remember what it feels like to not be stressed out.

i hope to never lose sight of the little things that make me smile (like a really terrible joke or blue nail polish) even as i grow into a more responsible adult (what that means, i've yet to learn...)

x!

it's summertime and i'm bouncing around.

ahhh. the school year has ended. and i have relocated again.  

while i am beyond excited to spend summer 2k12 in richmond, va, the constant moving around is beginning to really wear me down.  as i was moving out of my most recent apartment, i realized that the last place i lived in for longer than a year was my parents house - more than 6 years ago.  and a for a lot of those 6 years, i lived in more than one place.  like 3rd year of college when i spent 5 months in siena, italy.  that year i moved into the sorority house in august, home for december, to italy in january, and back to charlottesville in june.  that is so many moves in one year!  and you shouldn't be surprised to hear that i had many years that looked like that during my past 6. 

so i'm exhausted from moving hundreds of times in the past 6 years but the thought of actively deciding to move somewhere to stay is terrifying to me.  

so we'll see what happens.  all i know is that i am very thankful to have a summer vacation and i don't know what i would do if i had to enter the real world where summer break (and spring break and christmas break) didn't exist.

i'm going to spend most of my time this summer in richmond getting to know the city (as much as i can in 2 months), reading, writing, and thinking.  hopefully i'll clear my head and relax about where i'm going to go and what i'm going to do because deep in the back of my head i am certain that everything is going to work out wonderfully!  and i don't need to know exactly how, i just need to sit back and enjoy the things as they come.

x! 

memories of the mekong

i'm training for a (sprint) triathlon.

after my second half marathon, i decided i was up for a different kind of challenge.  in a roundabout phone conversation, my sister and i seemed to unintentionally convince each other that flying to san diego for a long weekend to compete in what will be my first triathlon was a great idea.

now don't get me wrong, i'm very excited.  i've developed a strict training regimen that involves me waking up far before the sun each morning to work out.  some mornings i cycle and other mornings i swim.  then in the afternoons i often run and do yoga.  i'm exhausted, but i'm feeling physically fit and prepared for the trio of fitness challenges that awaits me on the west coast.

the one leg of the race that i'm very nervous about, despite my preparedness, is the swim.

you may or may not know this about me.  but i'm scared of the dark.  this fear includes:

1. walking alone at night (the only legitimate part of my fear for someone my age)

2. entering a room/building when no one is home and thus, all the lights are off (i have grown to be ok with this situation in my own apartment)

3. sleeping (yes, i have a nightlight to scare away the monsters under my bed)

4. camping (lions, tigers, and bears, oh my)

5. expansive bodies of water when i cannot see the bottom

those expansive bodies of water are what concern me most right now.  to prep myself, i have been trying to recall all the times that i've swum in something dark and unfamiliar.  unfortunately, all the water we swam in during our travels last year were perfectly crystal clear, so that doesn't help my comfort level.  the atlantic ocean is cloudy but i've swum in it my whole life, making it familiar and non-threatening.  i generally tend to stay away from anything particularly murky... 

the one very fitting experience that comes to mind for comfort was last fall in thailand.  A and i were nearing the end of our SE asia adventure and had traveled with A's cousin, H, from nong khai via motorbike to a sleepy "town" on the mekong river.  by town i mean, a very small cluster of people and buildings having the most relaxed life imaginable.  we each rented a bungalow for a long weekend of reading in hammocks overlooking the vast mekong river.

to say that our setup was idyllic is an extreme understatement.  i don't know if there are even words to describe the calmness of this place.  despite the roaring mekong below us, i cannot remember a time when i have been more relaxed.

on our last night in the bungalows, we stayed up late chatting and drinking leos until the boys decided that it was time to go swimming in the mekong.  now, it was the middle of the night and we were in the middle of nowhere.  darkness surrounded us and i was terrified to begin with.  absolutely not was i going swimming in the river that RAGED below us.  had they not seen how fast it was moving?  had they not seen how wide it was?  had they not noticed that you can't the bottom?  who knows what lives in there! did they not notice that it was DARK OUTSIDE?!!  

while they ran down the hill and dove in, i slowly made my way behind them as their "lifeguard."  i wasn't going to completely miss out on the "fun" by sitting on the porch in the dark alone.  

well. needless to say, after a couple rounds of the boys flipping into the water and letting it carry them downstream before swimming back to the hill and climbing up, i realized that they weren't going to die.  if any scary monsters lived in the depths, they hadn't surfaced yet and i they were having so much fun!  so in i jumped.  the swift current caught me by surprise and my heart was racing (you know, because of the potential sea monsters and all the darkness) but i was swimming in the mekong!  those 15 minutes of swimming in the hugest, muddiest, fastest moving body of water that i have ever seen are something that i will never forget.

it's funny how something that encapsulates so many of my fears can be one of my greatest memories. 

so when i think about swimming in the mekong, i realize that san diego's mission bay can't possibly be that bad. 

x!

possible retraction?

i cannot believe how many things i did today!  despite the cold, rainy weather, i got up (early) and ran the GW Parkway 10 miler classic (and finished in 1:35:39!), ate a delicious brunch in del rey with M and her fam, AND met up with cousin J (who i hadn't seen since i moved here) for delicious, celebratory beers at one of my favorite spots.  that was all before 3pm.  i was exhausted.  upon returning home i took a much needed shower and nap and then was out the door for church at 5 followed directly by needtobreathe at the 930 club.

i did all of those things and i normally don't like to leave my house in the rain.

i was thinking over my day and i realized that it would be hard to accomplish such a day living anywhere else.  i also realized that i've had lots of similar days in the recent past.  in fact, my weekends have generally been incredible.  thus, i may have to retract my previous claim of having a mundane life...

x!

life seems so mundane and i feel like a brat for complaining.

on this calm saturday evening, i've been sitting on my couch, sipping a tasty stone smoked porter and trying to update this here blog with stories of my current real life.  everything i begin to chronicle, however, seems so..... normal.

i mean, i do lots of fun things, i guess...  (although writing a follow-up sentence here is proving to be rather difficult) 

it's just that living here in arlington and working in the DC area is a life that so many other people are living.  not everyone can say that they've lived in italy and taught at an international school, or traveled to SE asia for 6 weeks, or driven the alaska-canada highway, so i've had a significant leg up in the realm of exciting life experiences during the last year and a half.  and now i feel that i've fallen so far...  maybe i'm still coming down from the high or i'm still struggling to adjust to staying in one place?  how long is reverse culture shock supposed to last? 

i struggle every day with my level of happiness.  i am enjoying my time here (all 4 months of it so far) but i just feel like such a cop out.  to be here seems like taking the easy way out -- i mean i already have friends here, family close by, to build a more long-term life here would involve almost no effort.  so that sounds great! what's the problem?  ugh! i don't know!  i find myself welling up with tears in moments of even the smallest confusion.  or when i'm stuck in traffic that i've learned to expect.  what is wrong with me? 

i'm teaching which is what i want to be doing.  i'm doing something good for the world -- not everyone is willing to work to educate those adorable children with whom i spend most of my time.  i have an excellent job at an excellent school in an excellent district with excellent funding with the best coworkers and an excellent class of students with supportive parents -- it just all seems too easy, too normal...

when i compare my current state of affairs to what i was doing a year ago, things aren't that different.  we took weekend trips to nearby places like slovenia, verona, and venice .  i still take day and weekend trips but they are to richmond, charlottesville, and other places in the great expanse of northern virginia -- it's much less exciting to write home about traveling across northern va for dinner than it is to tell of an osmiza adventure in slovenia.  i'm still spending most of my time at school with small children and much of my free time is taken up by reading, running, and drinking illy coffee.  and i'm happy.

i guess i shouldn't be complaining.  i have just told you how i have pretty much everything i could need or want as far as a job and a life go and the fact that it's not terribly exciting for every minute of every day is no reason to complain -- that makes me sound like a little bit of a brat.

ugh.  

reunion and my second half marathon!

a week ago, i ran my second half marathon!  the plan was concocted while i was in vietnam last november.  i'm not sure where the inspiration came from but all of a sudden, i remember thinking, "i want to run another race!"  so i did a quick google search, found the rock 'n roll half marathon in DC and sent an email out to friends.  who wanted to join me?! 

since we ran the bavisela together in trieste last may, it was easy to convince V and L and the plans were set.  march 17th, 2012 = reunion half marathon + early bday celebration for me and my quarter of a century! 

so how did the training go?  well i got into really good shape in december when i wasn't working.  i was lucky to have beautiful running weather at my parents' in roanoke, and not having a job gave me plenty of time to focus on the running.  unfortunately, when i did start working again in january - things got a bit hectic.  i was stressed and with minimal daylight hours, it was difficult to find time to run outside - and who wants to do a long run on the treadmill? definitely not me.  

thankfully, living near V again gave me extra motivation.  we started running together during the weeks and doing long runs on the weekends -- it's amazing how much more fun it is to run 11 miles with a friend than by yourself.  overall, things were much easier this go around.  i knew what to expect and i was more confident in myself knowing that i had run 13 miles before.  in addition to V, i knew lots of other people in the area training for the same race or another race so there always seemed to be people doing the same thing i was.  and running through the monuments in DC isn't the worst thing ever.  

as we turned the corner to march and the weather gods decided they weren't into winter weather, things began to heat up around here.  and by that i mean, temperatures very quickly rose to mid-70s and wearing a jacket was no longer necessary.  beautiful! wonderful! excellent! i first thought.  but then i went on a run and was super sweaty and the heavy, humid air was hard to breathe and WOOF i was not trained for this. enter, nervous emotions.  

my goal for this race (the one i told other people) was to beat my time last year (2:14) but my secret goal (the one i didn't tell many people) was to break 2 hours.  i was feeling really good and the times of my long runs made me think i could do it.  alas, neither happened, officially.  my official finishing time was 2:16 but i did have a 7ish minute bathroom stop in the middle.  so, minus those 7 minutes of standing in a line, i would have finished in 2:09 and boom! met my outloud goal.  

the race was a fun one.  there were SO MANY people running and going through DC on st. patrick's day made for humorous spectator circumstances.  there were lots of encouraging signs saying things like "beer: 5 miles ahead," or "hurry up so we can drink."  there was even a make-shift service station of good samaritans passing out cups of green beer to runners.  i may have taken a cup if they hadn't been positioned right at the bottom of a big hill around mile 8...

at the end of the race, we weren't greeted with jello shots like last year (we missed you, K!) but the race did have a giant expo with lots of free swag and live music! we did our best to hoard the free swag and milk the expo for all we could.   

then we spent an excellent day hanging out in DC, catching up, refueling, and yes, drinking our share of guinness to celebrate the holiday.  the race was fun and the reunion around which the weekend was centered was even more fun. 

i love the camaraderie of running races with friends -- luckily, i have a few more coming up!  in may, i'm doing a triathlon in san diego with my sister as well as tentatively running another half over memorial day weekend with lizzy in boston!  apparently i'm into being physically fit.  thanks to daylight savings, it's much easier to find daylight hours in which to train...  you know me, just thinking about running in the dark makes me nervous.

i'm still amazed with myself and my enthusiasm for running now as an "adult."  on every long run i took, i found myself thinking back to my high school track days and the passionate hatred i had for running the 400 meter warm-up lap that was required.... man how things change.

x!