it's summertime and i'm bouncing around.

ahhh. the school year has ended. and i have relocated again.  

while i am beyond excited to spend summer 2k12 in richmond, va, the constant moving around is beginning to really wear me down.  as i was moving out of my most recent apartment, i realized that the last place i lived in for longer than a year was my parents house - more than 6 years ago.  and a for a lot of those 6 years, i lived in more than one place.  like 3rd year of college when i spent 5 months in siena, italy.  that year i moved into the sorority house in august, home for december, to italy in january, and back to charlottesville in june.  that is so many moves in one year!  and you shouldn't be surprised to hear that i had many years that looked like that during my past 6. 

so i'm exhausted from moving hundreds of times in the past 6 years but the thought of actively deciding to move somewhere to stay is terrifying to me.  

so we'll see what happens.  all i know is that i am very thankful to have a summer vacation and i don't know what i would do if i had to enter the real world where summer break (and spring break and christmas break) didn't exist.

i'm going to spend most of my time this summer in richmond getting to know the city (as much as i can in 2 months), reading, writing, and thinking.  hopefully i'll clear my head and relax about where i'm going to go and what i'm going to do because deep in the back of my head i am certain that everything is going to work out wonderfully!  and i don't need to know exactly how, i just need to sit back and enjoy the things as they come.

x! 

reflections on trieste

since returning to the states, i've been that kind of busy that makes your heart warm.  i've had too many phone calls and messages and i've eaten lots of delicious meals (mexican food!).  i've already been to cville, richmond, roanoke, wilmington, and the beach and have seen many of the people that i have missed this past year.  what little alone time i've had in the past few weeks, i've spent reading or planning trips to california, new york, and elsewhere to visit even more friends!  

so, obviously, i haven't really much time to officially reflect upon last year.  i mean, every morning when i drink my illy coffee and sit reading, i think about my roommates and our via della guardia daily routine, but that's not the same as really reflecting; it still feels like i'm on vacation and will be going back to trieste any day now.  

except that i'm not.  all that's left to do now is make sure i'll always remember how incredible the past year was. 

________________________________________________


in april, i started writing this post.  it was beginning to sink in that the end was approaching and i had finally begun to like living in trieste.  along with both of those things, however, i just got so much busier working hard and playing harder and i never found the time to actually post it.  then, just after i returned to the states, i discovered this article on travel and leisure's online site and i remembered that i had never finished the post.  it seems as if everyone is discovering trieste now, just as i have left the city, and having lived there, i feel some authority in my review of the place.  since everyone else is writing about my city, i might as well join in.  


earlier this year, this article on trieste was featured in a new york times blog.  i read it, enjoyed it, thought about it for a bit, made a note to reflect and blog on it, and then quickly got distracted and forgot to revisit the almost-post.  a few weeks later, i received an email from a friend of my grandmother's who was based in trieste during world war II, with a link to the very same article.  more recently, another article was printed in the nytimes travel section and the wheels in my head began turning.  why is everyone so into trieste all of a sudden?  before learning of the school and becoming interested in a job there, i had never heard of the city.  nothing major has changed in the city recently so it seems as if everyone has just stumbled upon trieste all at once. 

both articles in the times give overall positive reviews of the city but go back and forth before reaching their final conclusion.  the articles got me thinking, do i agree? what is my opinion of trieste?  i still haven't formulated a succinct answer for the inevitable question, "how was your year in trieste?"  and while this question will rarely receive an answer that does the truth justice, i should have something mentally composed.  

so.  what about trieste?  is it magical? miserable? mediocre?

in trying to form an official review of the city, i've been looking at some old blog posts.  very early in the year i said, "i love my city."  later... i was introduced to the rain + fog + bora combo that trieste is famous for and my opinion changed a bit.  at the same time as the weather became horrendous, i was reading jan morris' trieste and the meaning of nowhere, and by the title, you can imagine how negatively this impacted my opinions of the city. during the last few months, however, the weather was gorgeous, i knew my way around, had italian friends, and really quite liked it. 


in T+L, reggie nadelson describes trieste as "a handsome italian city."  for me, trieste was never as much italian as it was international.  having previously studied within the medieval walls of siena - rich in tuscan culture - i feel knowledgeable in what is truly italian.  trieste had about as much in common with siena as it did with america (not much), which really shocked me at first.  for me, trieste was the melting pot of italy and eastern europe with a bit of austria mixed in.  when traveling to italy, few tourists will choose trieste over the more popular, more italian, destinations of rome, florence, and venice.


in fact, one of the things i liked the most about trieste is its lack of tourists; i noticed that most tourists move through the city only on their way to more popular eastern european destinations just across the border.  as i'm sure most will agree, it's nice when your city isn't dominated by people wandering around lost and asking for directions.  since they weren't overwhelming in trieste, it was refreshing when someone came to visit or a stranger approached us to ask questions - we enjoyed the sporadic opportunity to share our home with visitors instead of growing annoyed with constantly having to show it off.  this is a fact that was reinforced for me when talking with my mom.  after their time in trieste, my parents went to venice for two days before heading back to the states.  they loved trieste but to sum up their days in venice, my mom said, "i'm glad i went, but it was crowded and expensive. i don't really need to go back."  the lack of large-scale tourism in trieste makes life more affordable and real.  trieste isn't a place to come and be a perma-tourist.  living in trieste is more like the real world, in a good way, instead of some fantastical life of constant vacation.


on the other hand, at times in trieste, i felt more alone than ever before in my life and these moments spurred great amounts of self-reflection.  while i didn't reinvent myself, i did have a lot of think time and did a lot of rediscovering myself.  there were many times in the beginning when i found myself resenting the loneliness of the city "for talking, thinking, writing, wandering," but one of the major things i learned about myself this year is how to spend time alone.  i confirmed that i am an extrovert; i love to be around people all the time which made it hard for me to prioritize "me time"  but i also learned to appreciate solo activities and how to enjoy the laid-back vibe that the city has; by the end, i loved the fact that the city was "for talking, thinking, writing, wandering".  


so trieste is relaxed and beautiful.  these things are great!  however, i'm a social 24-year-old and more-than-occasionally missed the obvious existence of social opportunities.  as jan morris so perfectly states, "at the end of an autumn day's work, the city hardly feels as though it is preparing for an evening out."  with an elderly population, the city shuts down quite early in the evening.  whenever i traveled to more bustling cities like berlin, london, amsterdam, i didn't want to leave.  being hidden and isolated in a beautiful corner between western and eastern europe was great for developing new hobbies and traveling to random spots but i struggled in the beginning because i didn't want to travel every weekend and i wasn't looking to discover new hobbies.  i didn't see all that much wrong with who i was when i arrived in treiste.  retrospectively, however, i am very glad i was forced to calm down.  i live a much richer life now than i did a year ago.  i cook, i run, i read, i write.  these are all things that i have always appreciated and i'm glad i had time to remember my appreciation.  even with the new appreciation of these hobbies, however, i did miss the bustle of people.


trieste is truly unique because it has all the components of a major european metropolitan city:  easy to get to (airport, train station, major highways, boat options), major events (la bavisela, barcolana), international schools (multiple), a good university, a double-decker sight-seeing bus, and incredible sights to be seen.  so what gives? where is the bustle i missed?  it's the people, i think, that give it the lonely feel.  no one is overly friendly, a majority of the population is over the age of 80 and the few young people in the city are either set in their ways and uninterested in meeting new people or go home to their parents' houses in nearby cities every weekend.  these circumstances create some difficulties in meeting locals.  i wonder if the people have always been like this?  has the city always been lonely?  and is that why many famous writers, including italo svevo, james joyce and sigmund freud, have written here -- did they come here to hide in their words?  how did they know it was a place "to be left alone...?" and why didn't anyone tell me?


the unfriendly nature of the triestine people could be attributed to the melting pot culture.  because many triestini have diverse, international backgrounds, they don't have as strong a national identity as they do a triestine identity and pride.  there is much smaller population of people with whom to relate.  even sandro, the unusually friendly man who accepted our hitch-hiking plea that one time from slovenia, spoke of the "melting pot" nature of the area that makes it unique.  we asked where he was from, and he said "i was born in trieste, but i have quite a mix. i've got austrian, croatian, slovenian, and italian, so this is where i live. we are all of mixed background here."  the triestini aren't italian, they aren't croatian, they aren't slovenian - they are triestini.  and you can't simply become triestini, it's what you're born into.  


so, trieste has the full spectrum of weather patterns ranging from mind-blowing sunsets to the treacherous bora and an aging population that is impossible to make friends with.  many people have written that it's a good place for the drifter, "a loitering kind of place."  morris says that trieste "gives me a waiting feeling as if something big but unspecified is always about to happen."  it's a stopping point on the way to greater places and greater things for those who stop through.  when i was there, it felt like a very inbetween place.  but what was i on my way to? i never could decide (and still haven't decided).  i was constantly asking myself, "why am i here?!" and "what am i doing next?!"  was it a coincidence that i spent this year of indecision in trieste?  while i was there, i remembered things that i had previously lost sight of; i cleared my head and rediscovered some of my priorities.  is that what trieste is for? to find yourself?   


i have not yet figured out why so many people seem to be obsessing about trieste right now, all at once.  but, i think it's ok.  adding a bit more tourism won't immediately turn the city into a fantastical spot for perma-vacationers.  maybe the added visitors will inspire the city to get a bit more bustle in its step.


i don't know all the answers but i do know that i am a lot different from who i was a year ago, before leaving for trieste.  for me, trieste was a place of discovered opportunities.  i realized things i was capable of and things that interested me.  throughout the year, i felt like i could do anything.  at the beginning, i wasn't sure if i loved it.  but i grew to like the city in the end.  maybe it just takes some time to get used to trieste, a natural adjustment period unique to the city?  you know, i have heard of a thing called culture shock.... 


i do think that without meaning to, the city of trieste helped me to focus on myself and what i wanted out of life.  whether it was because of the city itself or because of the specific circumstances surrounding my year in trieste, i don't know.  but i do know that i loved it, it was hard to leave, and i would love to go back someday - even if just to see another incredible sunset. 

reverse culture shock?

by no means am i claiming that i have been in the third world, however, it's still weird to be back in the states. 

i remember going through the required prep classes before studying abroad my third year of college and two of the things they warned us about were culture shock and reverse culture shock.  i remember being incredibly annoyed that i had to sit and listen to what i thought was nonsense at 10am on a saturday morning.  i also remember not really experiencing it at all during or after my semester in siena.  "well it was only italy," i thought.  and this time, it still was only italy, but this year was so much more.  i've been trying to reflect upon the year little by little as it has gone by so i'm sure you're aware that this past year was so much more than me living in italy.  i made friends that i am sure i will keep for the rest of my life and they helped me to grow into someone with many more goals and interests than she had a year earlier.  i traveled to some incredible places and saw and experienced too many things to even begin to list here.  AND i taught some of the coolest kids i've ever met. 

and now i'm back in america.  why isn't everyone dying to hear stories?  why do i only get the question, "how was italy!?" i don't have any idea how to answer that question.

i'm pretty sure i'm making my way through the stages appropriately and i'm hoping that "readjustment and adaptation" is quickly approaching.

we'll see? 

x!  

L.I.Z.s from the road: episode 2

current location: SERBIA!

since we last spoke, the 3 lizs spent the night in the danube-front marriott in Budapest, which was incredibly luxurious.  we collectively took 4 showers, primped excessively, hoarded toiletries, got a late checkout and stayed in bed until noon. it was excellent.

after wandering around budapest a tiny bit more and enjoying some delicious Thai food, we hopped on a train last night at 2330 headed to serbia -- we're getting back to other liz's roots.

i've had a few overnight train experiences this year and none have been horrible.  have you seen the episode of seinfeld when kramer hangs out with all the japanese men and they sleep in the dresser, each in an individual drawer? well, this felt kind of like that. or like sleeping in a coffin. either way, it wasn't my favorite.  i did really enjoy it when the customs officer (at the serbian border) laughed about us all having the same name.

today, we are covering beograd (where they use cyrillic, making navigation difficult, and currency is confusing but we think things are cheap?) and then tomorrow we're off to montenegro!

we are having a great time but I am exhausted. I am just a tornado of emotions, so much is going on inside that I'm just emotionally and mentally drained-- I'm homesick but foo which home? America or the home I've created in Trieste? Or do I miss the people- which people? My family and friends in the states or the family I've come to have over the past year? It's really sinking in that this year is over and I've said goodbye to a lot of people. Those who matter most, I know I'll see again but the uncertainty of when is still sad, you know?

Oh, life.

x

L.I.Z. adventure begins

school's out for the summer and tomorrow, i'm off. 

7am train to venice, plane to prague, somehow arrive to hostel (and to my l.i.z.s).

my bag is packed (well, it's not actually packed yet, but everything's there, ready to be put into the bag. i was hoping it would happen magically?) and i have my passport.

as the seconds of our lives are ticking away, you have to realize that life needs to be an adventure.  hans zimmer

i'm ready. 

the near future is looking to be quite nice

today, i bought two little wish bracelets from a street vendor near the canal.  you're supposed to tie the bracelet on with 3 knots and make a wish with each knot -- the bracelet has a base color and each color stands for something different, love, hope, friendship, career, etc.  your wish should probably correspond to the base color of the bracelet.   when the bracelet falls off, your wish is supposed to come true -- you've heard of these.  well, i tied them on and after an hour or two, i hadn't come up with wishes yet.  even after seriously focusing, i still could not come up with something to wish for.  at first, i was frustrated that i couldn't decide upon something specific but really, nothing to wish for? things must be going okay!  i mean, in all seriousness, what could i have to complain about? i do have a gazillion things to be doing in preparation for the end of the school year, moving out of my apartment, and saying goodbye to those who have been my family for the past 10 months but at the same time, i have so many good things happening.  tonight i ate homemade spaghetti carbonara that was just "thrown together" by V, i only have a week of school left until summer, i'm rendezvousing with two of my best friends in prague in 9 days and i've got about 6 other trips in the works.  life is good.

in the past few months, as my friends and i have all been job searching, trying to decide what to do when we leave trieste, i've had a lot of conversations (and time to think) about plans for next year and weighing the options.  stay abroad? return to the states? keep teaching? go another route? if stay abroad, where to go? if return to the states, where to go?  as you may or may not know, i've decided to focus on traveling next year (unless some incredible opportunity for employment comes along and knocks me off of my feet), within the US and abroad.  i've got people in cool places that i need to visit and i was so indecisive for so long about where i wanted to go and be for an extended period of time that it just seemed like the right decision for me.  hopefully, living the life of a perma-gallivanter, i can continue to work out what i want to do more long-term.  but for now, i could not be happier with my decision to not really have a plan (who am i?!).  

i wasn't always happy with my lack-of-"real"-job for the fall and i couldn't have reached this point of content without really hashing out the pros and cons with everyone around me.  in tuck everlasting, one of my favorite books and the novel we are finishing the year with in class, one of the characters says, "people got to do something useful if they're going to take up space in the world." and i could not agree more.  however, what i want to do is travel the world and tell people about it - inspire them to "step outside and see what's shaking in the real world" (as a friend of mine says).  is this desire a desire to do something, or would the end result just be bragging?

a common question that many people ask (and must answer) is, "what do you do?"  as a favorite redhead family member says on her design blog, sweetboo, it's becoming more difficult to succinctly define "what you do" in today's world.  i could not agree more.  when people ask me, "so what are you going to do in the fall?" i know that they mean, "do you have a job, or what's the deal?"  and no, while i don't have a full-time teaching job lined up, that doesn't mean i'm not going to be doing anything.  in fact, i'm going to be doing a lot of things!  these things might not be traditional employment options, but i'm planning to broaden my horizons through travel, fund those travels along the way,  and learn a lot -- not everyone can say that about their day jobs, am i right?!      

maybe i'm wrong.  so, should i be searching for a more "normal" immediate future?  a friend, M, is having a hard time deciding what to do next - she's deciding between traveling the world and having a job that will look good on her resume, a "normal, professional" job.  but what is normal?!  there really is no "normal" anymore, people in this world are all over the place and you can't compare yourself to others -- you must do what is right for you in the moment.  following your own head is how you will make it to where you're supposed to be -- how you'll find your "normal."  thankfully, the more i talk to people, the more i'm noticing that everyone is growing more conscious of this which makes it easier to do what you want.  who cares what is considered normal?  

now, i don't know what all the answers are (are you surprised?), everyone has to figure out what is right for them.  i do know that we shouldn't dwell on things for too long, stress should be avoided like the plague and we mustn't forget to have fun.  as dr. seuss says,  life's a great balancing act...but there's fun to be done!

so, as i said in the beginning, i've got a lot going on but no complaints, life is good.

x!